Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The season of the Toddler

I realize now that a little tutorial is needed for anyone who might be a guest in my home. We frequently entertain people who do not have small children or may need a refresher in the art of living with a toddler. So please note the following:

1. If you are looking for toliet paper you will not find it in it's proper place or anywhere near the toliet for that matter! Instead look for the large pile of mummy wrap (properly removed from the roll) sitting high atop the bathroom counter. My Nator has already torn apart pieces into semi-usable handfulls.

2. Yes those are rubber bands wrapped around the kitchen cabinet knobs. Do be careful not to snap yourself while attempting to remove them.

3. Should you choose to actually sit on the furniture (as opposed to jumping on it) you will have to straighten the cushions and remove whatever that is poking your backside. I do try to keep things tidy, but I can't be responsible for what I can not see and as I do not generally have time to sit any objects left between the cushions will go unnoticed.

4. What, you say you hear screaming? Oh well as long as no one is bleeding...what were we talking about?

5. Drink offers are as follows: juice, milk, or water (if your lucky it will be bottled water or you can have it in a big kid cup).

6. I apologize in advance if you here the words "mommy I pooped" or "I need help" followed by sudden streaking.

7. The baby has started walking and he wants everything you have. It would be in your best interest to keep all phones, keys, and beverages out of sight or up high.

8. Speaking of keys, mine have been missing for some time. Let me know if you find them in the couch.

9. My children are hyper social. If you see them coming towards you be prepared for a lenghty conversation or else prepare for a quick exit. I will certainly try to redirect them, but if you're friendly they will flock!

10. Thank you for stopping by, I hope this tutorial has better prepared you for your next visit!

1 comment:

april said...

Shara-sooo funny and so true! I need to borrow your list, only can I add one? please make sure you dress appropriately for your visit at my house...anything you were thinking of discarding will be perfect, that you will not feel stressed out by peanut butter and jelly stains;)